mercurial scribe

I want you to be concerned with your next door neighbor. Do you know your next door neighbor? -Mother Theresa

Why, yes, i do, Mother Theresa. Let me tell you about my neighbor Dick* and his encounter with Jane*. Dick lives next door to Jane. Dick likes his stereo very much. Dick especially likes his bass boost.

Loud, Dick, loud!

Jane likes stereos, too. But Jane also likes to be able to hear her own television over Dick’s stereo. This makes Dick annoyed, especially when Jane asks nicely that he turn it down.

Down, Dick, down!

Jane has a dog named Spot*. Spot doesn’t like Dick even though Spot likes everybody. Spot barks when Dick enters his apartment next door even though Spot is normally a quiet dog. One night, Dick came home late with a friend. He was loud and noisy. Spot barked because he was loud.

Bark, Spot, bark!

But Dick barked back because he was drunk. Then he went into his apartment and turned on his stereo very loudly. “Boom boom!” shuddered the walls. Jane was not happy because it was one in the morning and she was sleepy. So she pounded on the wall.

This made Dick very mad.

So Dick opened his door and yelled at Jane’s door saying, “I swear, if you fucking pound on the wall one more time! I swear, you -”

Jane opened her door very quickly and said, “Excuse me?” She was very angry and Dick was surprised.

“Why did you pound on the wall?” said Dick.

“Because it’s 1:30 in the morning on a weeknight, Dick.”

“Oh,” said Dick, realizing he was, indeed, a dick. “I can agree with that. Sorry.”

And he shut the door in Jane’s face.

Dick is not very nice. This is why Jane is reporting him to the leasing office for violation of lease terms regarding noise level and neighbor courtesy. This means that if Dick receives another complaint, Dick will have to move out within 72 hours of notice. That would make Jane so happy.

Bye, Dick, bye!

*Names have been changed to protect the guilty