mercurial scribe

I’ve been racking my brain (figuratively and nearly literally) on why, despite my 300 mg of Wellbutrin XL, 10 mg of Lexapro and 50 mg of Seroquel daily I’m STILL depressed.

Then came another bit of bad news: I ran out of Wellbutrin two days ago. Since I have plenty of Lexapro and Seroquel, we decided to double my daily Lexapro to 20 mg a day. And you know what? I’m starting to feel better. And it turns out that MRIs - like Wellbutrin - can poop out on you.

For those of you who are not aspiring amateur pharmacologists, Wellbutrin is one of the most effective MRI (Multiple-Reuptake Inhibitor) anti-depressants due to its low chance of side effects, reduction of a chance of mania and its effective on the thin bipolar prefrontal cortices which is not as dense as a normal person’s. Yet there are problems - the possibility of inducing seizures even in people with no history of seizures, increased agitation, dry mouth, tremor, weight loss and insomnia. However, from personal experience, most of these side effects only happen at the higher doses (200+).

While I know that this is only 20 hours or so into this - please don’t think I’m throwing a grand party for feeling good for one day - but I’m just so grateful. I always knew that MRIs could poop out on its user, and Lord knows I’ve gotten a good run out of this medication (off and on since April of 2003). I’m sad that my meds will change and I’ll have to test news ones, experiencing a whole new slew of side effects, but I knew this would happen; that’s one of the plights of being bipolar. But this little change with the Lexapro gives me some hope that maybe this medication change won’t be the nightmare I thought my first med-poop out would be.

After just one dose sans Wellbutrin and double the Lexapro, I feel… hm, how do I feel? It’s been so long since I’ve really felt anything but bad… maybe I feel - I mean, I think I feel…

I don’t feel great or fabulous or wonderful. I just feel like me.

Today I cleared out a bunch of stuff in my office area, making it almost entirely usable! I’m sorting through books and papers, purging and organizing, all the while able to think clearly. I wrote down some ideas to query. I can function. I can think. OH THANK GOD!

So farewell, Wellbutrin. You treated me well while you treated me.