mercurial scribe

Dear Miri,

I’m so proud of you! Nearly 2.5 lbs and growing. It really is quite amazing to see my stomach protrude further and see the ripple on my skin when you kick and move around. However, all this growth has made you strong enough that you bruised Mommy’s left bottom rib, which WAS NOT appreciated. I seriously thought for the first day that maybe you cracked it, but fortunately that was not the case.

On a more serious note, I want to take the time in this letter to explain to you the importance of family… You see, my Nina (what I call my Grammy) was sick and didn’t even call me. Instead, I received a frantic call from my tía wanting to know if I could go spend the night with her to make sure she was okay…

Now let me interject with this: grandparents are fabulous, strange creatures. They will sneak you candies when you’re sick and tell you they are vitamins, bring you toys and treats despite Mommy and Daddy’s protests and send you checks for your birthday in the amount of how old you are. They can’t play as much as you want them to because they are so much older and sometimes smell funny, but they always give you food and presents and are delighted with everything you do.

With that said, stubbornness and a fierce independence runs in both sides of your family. Your Grandpa Gary (Daddy’s Daddy) is a very self-reliant person and hates having to ask for Daddy’s help now that he’s getting older and isn’t as strong as he used to be. Grandpa Scott (my Daddy) never listens to exactly what the doctor says and will do whatever he thinks is better, despite Grandma Brenda’s protests. And Grammy (my Mom)? Well, she’s a little crazy and very set in her ways, which makes her remarkably stubborn in my book. But perhaps most of all, my Nina - who is your great-Grammy - came here from Mexico with nothing but her kids. She didn’t know English, she wasn’t well-educated, but she made a beautiful little life for herself and her kids here in America. Now that she is in her 70s, she still refuses to believe that she can’t be as independent as she has been her entire life. So even though she had to be rushed to urgent care by her neighbor, she didn’t call me because she didn’t want to upset me even though she needed help.

Precious little girl, you have to understand that growing up both Daddy and I weren’t very close to our grandparents with exception to me and my Grandma Rose, who was Grandma Brenda’s mommy. For both Daddy and me, it was mostly with good reason that had to do with bad histories which our parents didn’t want us exposed to. But we don’t want that distance for you. We want you to understand how important family is, that you need to learn to rely on them and be there for them because family is one of the greatest joys you will have in life. Daddy and I want you to enjoy every joy possible and understand that sometimes, it’s A LOT of work to be close to your family.

There will always be drama. There will always be family politics and weird grievances that someone will bring up years after the fact. But the thing is they’re family. It’s going to be messy, but that’s life. Anything worthwhile is usually difficult but in the end, worth it and worth all of it. There will be drama, pain, awkwardness and inconvenience. But it’ll be worth it because of the memories you’ll create together; the laughing over some nearly-forgotten childhood habit together at Thanksgiving dinner; the note of encouragement you get after you just lost a job you loved; the joy on everyone’s faces at your graduation, at your wedding.

Spending a day with my Nina helped me remember who I am. I come from a line of women who were fighters, survivors, nurturing mothers and fierce lovers and I am all of these things. Your Daddy comes from a line of men who are loyal, faithful to their wives and children, hard-workers and yes, oftentimes violently independent. (And yes, Daddy is all of these things, even sometimes that last one!)

I want you to know these things. I want you to know who you are because you know where and who you come from. Your family history is so rich with colorful characters and scandalous intrigues. You come from a line of strong men and women who fought for what they wanted in life. Daddy and I are working hard to give you a good Jewish Christian heritage to balance that - a heritage strong in tradition, woven with love and tenderness, distilled from a deep faith in a loving God and that people really are trying to do what they think is right.

Your family really does help create who you are. Remember that. Be grateful for it, forgive us when we make mistakes (we’re human, we WILL make mistakes), laugh at it when it all gets too absurd (because it will). But most importantly, REMEMBER. Learn from it. Don’t let it sour you or embitter you: instead, let it temper your patience and give you compassion for people and their often blind attempts in this life. Love the family God gave you because their blood, sweat and tears literally helped bring you into this world and will help you through it if you give them that chance.

And you, my Precious girl, are very loved. I only wish you knew how many prayers and hopes are tied into your little life and how much satisfaction you will give us all when we can hold you, see you smile, hear you laugh, watch you reject the first food you don’t like the taste of.

Only 77 more days to go until our due date. But remember the deal I offered… early April birth date for chocolate breast milk!

Love you bigger than the sky,
Mommy