mercurial scribe

Dear Miri,

We have officially entered the heartburn zone.

With your growth to 16″ or so and 3.5 lbs, you have taken up all of Mommy’s breathing and digestive space. Eating at a table where I need to bend over to bring the fork to my mouth induces a feeling similar to a defensive line sitting on my chest while I try and swallow. I’ve learned to do the “pregnant plate” where the plate rests on my boobs and I can recline a bit, giving me a bit more breathing space and a small path which allows the food to pass through my esophagus to my stomach. Sweet non-relief.

THAT has been the theme this past week - non-relief. You, little girl, are not allowing Mommy a full night’s sleep anymore, which up until this week was nearly inevitable thanks to the sedative power of Seroquel. But, as I mentioned above, I’m now plagued by my stomach resting somewhere just below my collarbone and now I have horrible heartburn. Doesn’t matter what I eat or when - it burns, really really burns. So enters my new best friendship with Tums. Yet the fatigue is worse than it was during the first trimester. I feel like a waddling zombie half the time and considering I am the kind of woman that tries to do everything (run a clean/organized household with a routine, start a new career, manage bipolar and have a baby all at once!), I’m disappointed that my juggling skills are not as developed as I would like. Half of the week I just give up somewhere about 3 pm and crawl back into bed or pass out on the couch. The other half I still manage to get through the day, but not without some serious zoning out or incidents of the “pregnancy stupids” as Jenny McCarthy put it.

Yes, I know, I sound like a complaining grouch. And you know what? It’s because I am. I don’t do well when I don’t get my sleep and eating is a favorite of mine. This all means that you have no idea how much I love you, precious little girl, because I am sacrificing these things to get your cute baby butt in this world. Once I get some sleep, I’ll consider being more “glowing mother” about it.

Did I mention the baby hiccups? You get them 2-3 times a day and it tickles! Sometimes you curl up at the very bottom of my womb and hiccup for five minutes which leaves me trying not to giggle because, inevitably, we’re in a public place and I don’t feel like explaining to strangers why the pregnant lady is giggling because then they’ll want to touch my belly.

Please know that even though I’m a sleepy, heartburning grouch, I’m so looking forward to holding you in my arms, looking into your little eyes and yes, even giving birth to little you. This time flies by so fast and even though I’m immensely uncomfortable, I don’t take a minute of it for granted because you, my sweet Miri, are the child I prayed for and doubted I could ever have. You are a blessing and a miracle - and even blessings come with a price in this world. And you are SO worth the sleeplessness and heartburn.

Ask me after labor if the tearing vagina was worth it.

Love you bigger than the sky,
Mommy

How you look this week: