mercurial scribe

Every time I experience a series of rocky events in my life, it’s inevitable that someone says to me “It comes in threes, you know.”

That’s always great to hear when only two things have seriously rocked your world. Now add paranoia to the list.

First for me was my deposition last Friday. While I legally can’t say anymore than that, I can tell you that I hate legal proceedings. Having someone rake you over the coals for every decision you’ve made in the past two years doesn’t qualify as a good time for me - in fact, it more resembles one of those reoccurring nightmares that just happens to come true.

I spent most of the weekend recovering from the stress since I’m hyper-hyper sensitive to it now being both bipolar and pregnant. Lots of movies in bed and comfort food for Mommy and lil’ Mercurial. My anxiety sky-rocketed and I’ve been teetering on the edge of aggravated depression for a few days now.

Second in my “series” of world-rocking started with a call from my tía Monday night letting me know that my Nina (grandma) is back in the hospital was acute pancreatitis possibly caused by her asthma medications which includes steroids. She’s currently in the ICU and we’re not sure what her situation is.

After negotiating our vehicle situation, Husband agreed I should go see her tomorrow if I feel up to it but made it explicitly clear that I am not to push myself.

But now, trying to rest and get some writing done, I feel like I’m floating in this sea of uncertainty and near-panic. I keep telling myself “this too shall pass”, it always does, I just keep fretting about the stress hurting Miri. Yes, I know, that’s an unhelpful line of thought but I just keep feeling so physically worn out and beaten up from the mood and anxiety fluctuations that I can’t help but be concerned it’s affecting her. She’s been less active lately, but considering her size and my short torso, that doesn’t surprise me. I’ve even done the “10 movements per hour” test just to make sure and that isn’t a problem - most of her movements are stretching though!

And then today my Mom stayed home from work for the first time due to throwing PVCs due to her sleep apnea - in other words, her heart adds an extra beat or two in which gives her chest pains and makes her sure she’s going to have a heart attack. Her doctor has taken 3 months to get her into a sleep study to determine a cpap titration and continues to take forever. No muy bueno.

So there it lies. There are my three. Hopefully I can rest easier tonight, awake tomorrow morning with some lightness in my heart. In the meanwhile, pray for me and my grandmother - goodness knows we need it.