mercurial scribe

Dear Miri,

It’s getting crowded in here, little girl.

You are putting on weight - more than the estimated 4 lbs is my guess and probably longer than the estimated 17″ too! I can tell because the bottom half of my stomach is stretching and stretching without let-up. That and your activity is getting less intense - you’re still rolling around in there, hiccuping and jiving, but the “I will crush you with my force” kick boxer moves? Yeah, those are thankfully diminishing.

I’ve also experienced quite a few Braxton-Hicks contractions as well as one or two real contractions, which apparently is all very normal. There was no screaming or anything so dramatic, just lots of yoga breathing and shifting around to find a tolerable position to ride through it. This week also introduced some swelling to my feet, ankles and hands so that now I can’t wear my wedding ring for fear of it cutting off circulation. Despite my minimal salt intake, the swelling doesn’t seem to be going away. So far we’re in normal ranges but dang my feet look huge to me.

The biggest life lesson this week has been about stress management. You’ll quickly learn that stress is just part of life and that sometimes, everything seems to fall on you at once. You will lose your balance and it will be uncomfortable, frightening even. But that’s normal. What determines who you are is how you deal with it. The best thing to do is turn to your family and friends, to talk and share. Also make sure you get alone time to decompress, unwind. I hate crying in front of people so I take a long hot shower and weep to release the stress from my body.

That’s the other thing. Your body has memory. While you live here on this little blue ball in the universe you need to understand that your soul, mind and body are all interconnected and cannot act independently. So when your spirit is burdened or grieved, your body absorbs it as does your mind. If you only take care of the spiritual concern, your body will still be bearing a burden until you deal with it there too. For me, running was a great release. Now that I can’t run, I stretch and do yoga. To mentally grapple with whatever I’m dealing with, I read stimulating and empowering literature, watch funny movies, engage in interesting conversations with your father, write about my experiences to sort through my emotions and the consequences of my actions.

My point is that you must learn to take care of yourself as a whole. You will stumble and you will fall in this life, little one. That is not failure, that is being human. What determines who you are is whether you get up and how often you are willing to get up again.

One of the greatest things that has gotten me through this very hard week was our little family. Daddy has been attentive and gentle with me, as is his way, and Zoë has hardly left my side except to go bug Daddy or Grammy to play. And you. You and your insistence on stretching in ways that have to be as uncomfortable for you as they are for me, your little “I just got fed!” dance, your midnight playtime, your hiccups, your dancing amusement at the Braxton-Hicks contractions. It’s a great comfort to me to know you are okay. And even though I would LOVE to have my body to myself again, make sure you wait a good five weeks before you try to make an appearance despite what Grammy wants. I want you nice and chubby before you take on the world, okay?

But post April 2nd? You and chocolate breast milk if you’re a little early.

Love you bigger than the sky,
Mommy

How you look this week:

How I look this week:

Quick comparison to me at week 20: