mercurial scribe

Continued from The Labor Saga - part 2…

So I’ve been hooked up to an IV and a fetal monitor for umpteen hours, administered a catheter and had it removed, administered an epidural that wasn’t working and was awaiting the news that after all that I may need an emergency c-section.

Justin and I waited as patiently as we could. I urged him to get breakfast and hang with the grandparents for a bit but he resisted. I insisted - I knew I’d need him fully operational whenever it was that Miri decided she was good-and-ready and that wasn’t going to happen if he didn’t eat or see beyond the four walls of the labor room. He left for a couple of hours while I pretended to sleep, but more or less stared at the walls and wondered what exactly was in store.

Finally, about 10 or 11 am, Dr. S came into my room. I had my Dad, who had been sitting with me, go and get Justin. Once he arrived, the doctor perched himself on a stool.

“Well,” Dr. S started with this down-South drawl he has, “I think we’re almost there!”

I glare. What do you mean?

“The other induction medication worked - you’re now at 6 centimeters. But since you’re moving along slowly, I’m going to break your water at 1 pm to move things along. Now, if you’re not in hard labor by 5 pm, we’ll have to go in and do an emergency c-section.”

Justin and I exchange a look. Okay then… more hurry up and wait.

“Don’t worry about it, just rest while you can.”

Just rest. Dang I wanted to hurt these people! Keep your blood pressure down, but sorry, I can’t feed you. Keep your blood pressure down, but we’re going to poke you 14 times with a needle! Keep your blood pressure down - here, let’s insert a catheter into your spine and see if that will friggin’ keep you calm! I was so done resting, I wanted this all over with.

Apparently, so did Miriam.

At hour 41, twenty minutes before Dr. S was going to come in, I was lying on my left side like a good little hypertension patient and my water broke. At first I thought I had lost control of my bladder but then I heard the “sploosh!” as the fluid flooded the floor beneath the hospital bed.

Justin looked at me. “What do I do?!”

“Get the nurse!” I grunted. The contractions were sudden and hard. Miriam was coming out!

The next few hours are a blur. There was a lot of pain and controlled breathing. I could feel her move down the birth canal which made my body demand pushing but the nurse told me not to. Now that is a painful experience, fighting everything your body is telling you to do. Amidst this hard labor, against my request to my entire family to stay out of the labor room, I see a man in a bright green t-shirt lurk into the labor room after a contraction.

My father, giddy from the idea of finally becoming a grandfather says “Are we having fun yet?”

Just as I was preparing to glare at him, another contraction hits. I’m writhing and trying not to cry out as Justin is coaxing me to look at him, breathe with him. We breathe through the contraction and as it passes, there is a quiet moment. I look at Justin. He will not look at me. I know that he’s chickening out on my request to usher out anyone who thinks they are staying in that labor room, so I turned to my father just as another contraction hit and said;

“Daddy, I love you but you’re distracting!” GRRRRRRUNNNNNNNNT!

He sneaked out of the room as a bunch of people rush in. It’s the labor team. I don’t know how many there are. There’s my nurse, I know her. She’s telling me to push, holding my leg up to aid me. I’m pushing and pushing. Deep breath! Push 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5! Deep cleansing breath and now PUSH! 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5! Over and over she tells me to push, push with my bottom not from my face. But I’m tired. I feel like I’m going to pop my eyeballs out of my head with all the pushing. I’m microsleeping then snapping to in a panic. There’s so much pain and suddenly I hear Dr. S telling me to push harder. I push for 5 and fail. I try to push again and only get to 3.

“I can’t! I can’t, doc, I’m too tired! I’m giving all I have!” I know I’m crying, I’m spent. It’s been nearly two days of constant contractions, no food, little to no sleep…

The next thing I know Justin is telling me she’s crowning. PUSH! I push with all I have. Again. Again. She’s out… but there’s no crying. I see she’s limp in the attendant’s arms as they put her in the warmer to clean her up. Dr. S sounds panicked as he’s telling someone to page Dr. so-and-so in NICU. Yet I am perfectly calm, she’s fine, I know she’s fine. She’s just a bit loopy from the epidural. Her heartbeat was always strong, strong enough to keep me going, listening to it over the fetal monitor all this time. She’s fine.

Dr. S tells me to push once more to deliver the placenta and then it’s over.

I hear a little whimper. And then a cry. Dr. S says something about canceling the call to NICU. Miri’s fine, Miriam is just fine. She has a full head of dark hair, dark blue eyes. 5 lbs 3 oz., 17.5 inches. I hear her cooing and whimpering as Justin goes to meet our little girl. I close my eyes. Seconds of exhausted sleep as they clean up.

It wasn’t until afterward I discovered that I had an episiotomy and the birth was vacuum-assisted. Justin was even forced by the doctor to “look below the curtain” (he was surprised there was no curtain!) despite his insistence he didn’t want to see the devastation of the place where *and I quote* “I get my jollies”. And there was apparently a lot of blood. But I was too exhausted, to taken away by the joy of knowing I’d no longer be a duplex.

The first time I held Miri was not what I expected. There were no tears, no sudden realization that I was a mommy. There was just a keen and simple peace. Wide blue eyes above a swaddled body. It felt so very normal.

The parade of family and friends came and went, much of it I can’t remember clearly. I was just so tired and so happy to know that it was over. Pregnancy and labor was over. Life with my little girl could finally begin.

So I think it’s quite apt that I didn’t have enough time or energy to write this during the first six weeks of her life because now I conclude the tale of how I became a mother for the first time on Mother’s Day. My girl is a determined little thing; she knows what she wants when she wants it, just like her Mama. Though she has my eyes and my personality, she still looks just like her Daddy.

I want to take a moment to thank him, my Husband, my Justin, because without him, I wouldn’t have gotten into this mess in the first place!

Happy Mother’s Day!