mercurial scribe

I like to think of myself as a problem-solver, a person who takes the puzzle of a difficult situation and solves it with some creative thinking.

I can usually tell when the depression is winning because I can no longer problem-solve: I obsess and get nowhere.

The depression is winning. (more…)

Yes, the “mercurial” part has struck again, as it always does.

This is not postpartum depression, people. If I hear that one more time I just may go postal. I am bipolar - this is nothing new to me. No, this is the good ol’ devil of the May blues I’m perfectly familiar with, the same bastard of rage and sadness I’ve known for years.

To commemorate our horrible time together, me and these May depressions/mixed states, I’m making a list on how not to deal with depression as I’ve done with my own special brand of raging sadness. Ahem… (more…)

I will be posting a “Dear Miri” letter later, but to be honest I’m feeling too overwhelmed right now to think much.

My mood has been slipping for the past few days. I’m anxious, exhausted and irritable. I keep finding myself staring at the walls in a depressed haze for unknown amounts of time… I’m just… not doing well. I don’t know if it’s a hormone surge from the pregnancy that will pass pretty quickly or if it’s a breakthrough episode, so Husband is keeping a close watch on me. In the meantime, I’m just going to take it easy and try to ride this out, so don’t be surprised if I’m not here for a few days or so.

Peace.

C’mon in, make yourself at home.

You take a seat at the kitchen table, a smooth white lacquered pedestal number with a red lazy Susan presenting a pot of fresh coffee, cream and sugar. I offer you a large mug so you can concoct to your preference as we chit-chat about the cold and rain we’ve been having.

Would you like a brownie? My Mom made them the other night, half with walnuts for her and Husband and half without for me. It is nice of her, but she’s just considerate like that. Do you like yours plain or with walnuts?

I hand you your brownie square and situate myself across from you, mixing my coffee with a heavy sigh. (more…)

“Slow but steady, steady but slow, that’s the way we always go…”

Since my last post on Wednesday, I have indeed done better. Each day came with a drudgery and slipped away with a little more peace in my heart. Thordora, you’ll be happy to know that while I didn’t indulge in some sappy movies, I did cry and get my emotions out through a book I’m finding very cathartic. (more…)