I will be posting a “Dear Miri” letter later, but to be honest I’m feeling too overwhelmed right now to think much.
My mood has been slipping for the past few days. I’m anxious, exhausted and irritable. I keep finding myself staring at the walls in a depressed haze for unknown amounts of time… I’m just… not doing well. I don’t know if it’s a hormone surge from the pregnancy that will pass pretty quickly or if it’s a breakthrough episode, so Husband is keeping a close watch on me. In the meantime, I’m just going to take it easy and try to ride this out, so don’t be surprised if I’m not here for a few days or so.
Peace.
C’mon in, make yourself at home.
You take a seat at the kitchen table, a smooth white lacquered pedestal number with a red lazy Susan presenting a pot of fresh coffee, cream and sugar. I offer you a large mug so you can concoct to your preference as we chit-chat about the cold and rain we’ve been having.
Would you like a brownie? My Mom made them the other night, half with walnuts for her and Husband and half without for me. It is nice of her, but she’s just considerate like that. Do you like yours plain or with walnuts?
I hand you your brownie square and situate myself across from you, mixing my coffee with a heavy sigh. (more…)
I’ve been having the weirdest bouts of insomnia. Even after I down my meds (a hefty sedative mix of Lexapro and Seroquel - both warning “Make cause excessive drowsiness”) - I find myself antsy and thinking and typing.
Part of it is my new career. Freelance writing is a fun but difficult job, especially when starting out. There’s so much marketing, book-keeping and administrative tasks involved in the upstart that I feel like I’m barely writing. But hey, I have the benefit of being my own boss - and putting myself on vacation like I did yesterday.
Two blessed weeks of vacation.
I’m a good boss.
Yet it’s the minute that I tell my brain to stop thinking about writing that I go into overdrive (more…)
“Slow but steady, steady but slow, that’s the way we always go…”
Since my last post on Wednesday, I have indeed done better. Each day came with a drudgery and slipped away with a little more peace in my heart. Thordora, you’ll be happy to know that while I didn’t indulge in some sappy movies, I did cry and get my emotions out through a book I’m finding very cathartic. (more…)
It’s been months and months since I’ve posted anything about manic depression mostly because I’ve hit a happy place of stability over the past 11 months or so. Sure, there was that bumpy patch in the early summer, but overall I’ve been the most stable I’ve ever known myself to be. But today I felt something that I haven’t felt in a long time…
my heart thumped noisily in my chest… I felt restless… agitated… angry at nothing and everything at once…
Hello, agitated angry dysphoria. I really did not miss you. (more…)
